So many times we long to do BIG things for God.....when in reality if we are doing what we should do every day, minute by minute, we ARE doing the best and biggest thing we could do for God. Choosing to die daily to self is not easy. I want my way! I just do. But I know my way is NOT best and usually makes a mess (a big one). If we are going to live for Christ we must learn to die to what we want and surrender to God's way.
Surrender. Sacrifice. These are not popular words in our society today. Our culture tells you to do what is best for you. Be selfish!(to quote the movie "The Women".) It's all about you! Surrender is for weaklings and Sacrifice???? What is that???? For the most part, most of us truly have no idea of what it is to sacrifice. God is always teaching us a lesson and dealing with sin areas in our lives. Right now He has been dealing with my unwillingness to surrender to His plan regarding some circumstances in my life. This has actually been a lifetime struggle, only now am I realizing that the root issue is that I don't want to accept what God has given me....whatever the circumstance may be! It's not what I want. It does not feel good or is not as convienent as I would like. I dream of so much more. I desire so much more. I want to have fun and be happy. I don't want to struggle and face heartache. I don't want to die to myself and say that it truly does not matter how people treat me, if I am popular or not, rejected or accepted by peers, worn out to exhaustion or fully rested, red or black in my checkbook, time for recreation or full time on duty with children, homeschool and housework, if my houes is clean or a total mess, my calendar is full or empty, my husband is working or home early to help with dinner, I feel overwhelmed or in total control....these things do not determine my happiness nor do they define who I am. I am a Child of God and He is crazy about me. The circumstances he allows into my life are there for a reason. To help me become the woman He created me to be. To help me learn to lay down my life and my desires and accept HIS will and provision, which is better than anything I could do myself. I have found myself so focused on the future and where I want to be that I have not been thankful for where I am now and all that God has done for me NOW. Oh, I have been so wrong and this is a struggle in my life. I realize it now and want to allow God to change me through His Holy Spirit....to learn to accept what He gives as His best. To take joy in where He has me and the lovely way He fills my life with good things. Thankful that He allows tough circumstances to come into my life to expose sin areas I have been blind to, that He loves me enough to not leave me the way I am.
Monday, September 22, 2008
I had a great 37th birthday. Mom took us out on Thursday night (Sept 11th) to the Log Cabin. Was wonderful! Can't wait to go back. It's out in the country near a dirt road. It's truly a little log cabin, but the food there is fabulous. Mom and I split a steak that could have fed my entire family! I highly recommend this place, but plan on a wait if there is more than 2 in your group. The wait was part of the fun for us. My boys loved playing with the 6 dogs that lived on the land surrounding the restaurant. On Friday (my birthday) Carmen Pearce was the biggest blessing. She showed up that morning, as I was washing dishes from breakfast, with coffee and a muffin from Atlanta Bread. I cried....it was just so sweet and just what I needed:) A friend with coffee! We ate lunch with my dad at the Hotdog Shop in Headland and then visited with Mom at her house for a bit. Later that night Carmen came over and kept the boys for Chuck to take me out to dinner. What a friend! I think friends make birthdays so much fun. I have been blessed with great friends who just make life fun. I am so thankful for those of you who just know what to do when I need it....for all the times you have sent cards or showed up with meals or given me chocolate. You are all great and a blessing to my life.
Another birthday treat was getting to eat Sushi with my lifelong friend Natalie and go to the movies with her to see The Women. We don't see each other much (except for the past 2 weeks..which has been so much fun) but we always pick up right where we left off. We have shared so much of lifes up and downs together.....from grade school through high school on to college and now where we are....me married and homeschooling 3 boys and her having survived Crohns, her mother's death and a divorce.
Family and Friends are a blessing and I don't want to take either for granted. Chuck was wonderful my birthday weekend. I had places to be that I didn't feel like being...yet he encouraged me...and did all the housework and looked after our children..and sent me out to play with my friends a few times....that was a wonderful and refreshing gift and I am thankful for him. I really could not have done what all I needed to do over the weekend without him. He helped me keep from falling apart. He was a blessing....what a gift to remember and celebrate.
My brother, Trey, was in Memphis having his kidney stones blasted on my birthday. We talked and he was doing good. His wife, Carmen, had picked him up from the hospital and they were on their way home. Bless his heart....I hate I could not have been up there with him.
So much to be thankful for....another year....and precious people to share my life with. Thank you God for pouring out your lavish love on me.