The Christmas season is not always easy. This year we have so much to be thankful for, as Chuck is NOT on the big brown truck. He's on staff at Ridgecrest Baptist Church, here in Dothan. A desire of the heart fulfilled, overwhelming gratefulness for all that God has done. Still there are longings in my heart and life, unfulfilled. Okay, I'm looking at the hole and not the donut! God gives me everything I need and more. He is enough! Still, I will face many trials......
I wrote a couple of months ago in my journal: "Negative feelings, difficult relationships are so cumbersome to my walk with Jesus--just a distraction for what matters most."
Then reading through my journal I see where I wrote from My Utmost on Sept 25th the following,
"God does not ask us to do the things that are naturally easy for us. He only ask us to do the things that we are perfectly fit to do through His grace, and that is where the cross we must bear will always come."
Not easy, but possible in Jesus Christ. I can choose to love. I can lay down my life. My life is not my own. Not a popular concept in the world we live in today. But true, if you have chosen to follow Christ.
I have prayed, "Change me until I am completely yours. Until I can endure anything and not be angry and bitter- only focused on Your face!" But the process of working that out...well, it's just plain hard. It does not come easy, but I believe it will come!
This past weekend we watched The Voyage of the Dawn Treader. I was reminded that the battle is the darkest just before the victory comes. Just when you feel like all is lost and you are ready to give in to defeat.....you don't. You never give up. It is always too soon to give up. Sometimes, okay, many times I feel like this in my own life. I want to give up! But because of the hope I have in Christ, I haven't. You never know what is around the next corner.
My life is not perfect. I am not perfect, and I won't be until I see Jesus. So please don't expect me to be. Just yesterday I was pondering the fact that here I am wife to Chuck, mother to Tolar, Trace and Turner, and the women's ministry leader in our church.....and I don't have it together at all. What am I even doing in ministry? But I think people need to see us as REAL. They need to see how we choose to live out the mess our lives can be, at times. They need to see how we choose to love the difficult people in our lives that cause us hurt and pain. They need to see us when we are weak and needy.....it's what we do then that matters and speaks.
We all need God's Grace! I need God's grace to help me now. I need His truth to speak to my heart and remind me of how He see's me.
So here we are at Christmas. The celebration of the birth of Jesus Christ. This has been a week of the Stomach virus at our house. I have missed several Christmas parties with girlfriends I really wanted to see and enjoy their company. However, I have gotten several pajama days and lots of cuddling. Now what matters most? I believe my circumstances are ordained by God, therefore, His will has been for us to be right where we are.....at home....TOGETHER. In sickness and in health....we will rejoice:) I have been given TIME to Be Still and Know that He is God. Now that is the best gift of all.